Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
