i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
