I accidentally burped into my bong.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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