I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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