Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
