i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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