Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So much Jack, so little girl.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
