Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
