Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
