First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize