There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
