I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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