I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just took my morning after pill in the library
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Randomize
