it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
