I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
