You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize