so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
