Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
