Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
being pregnant is like rehab
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
