My sheets look like a crime scene.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize