I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Please don't give away my fajitas
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
