yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
