Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
