you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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