trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
