why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
