Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
