i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
