You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
