Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
