How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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