I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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