There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
