I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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