You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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