It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you would pick up someone in the library
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize