im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just want nice things and good sex
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
