Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
