your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It's shark week go big or go home
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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