I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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