Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
