sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
