??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
our cab driver is having phone sex.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
