you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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