i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize