dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Randomize
