So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Randomize
