If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
