I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
