And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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