The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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