I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
