It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
