Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Shame - the story of my life.
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