Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
