Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
