I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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