do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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