We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
