I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
