OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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