Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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