I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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