i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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