Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
