to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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