she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
There r osticjed everywhere
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
