you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
